


you shake up my heart

by saltjoons



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28240401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltjoons/pseuds/saltjoons
Summary: Eric ends up pulling away from Jacob, a sudden and heavy feeling in his chest.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	you shake up my heart

**Author's Note:**

> **CONTENT WARNING!**  
>  eric in this fic pulls away from kissing for unspecified reasons. his discomfort is described in length. he has a panic attack. although no reasons for him suddenly panicking are described or expanded upon, please do not force yourself to read on if you find this uncomfortable in the slightest!
> 
> title from The Boyz’s Just U. wrote this on a whim bc happy birthday eric!! and he deserves some love. enjoy!

Eric ends up pulling away. 

He was seated on Jacob’s lap, the older man’s thighs in between his legs. It was comfortable, at first: a position atop his lover on a lazy Sunday evening, kissing on the couch for they had nothing to do. 

All was well for a long while. Eric was losing track of time, lips nearly numbing and heart buzzing with excitement and familiarity for what felt like many minutes passing by. 

Things were undoubtedly getting heated. Atmosphere hot, Eric lightly huffs against Jacob’s lips when he feels cold hands climb up the skin of his back, under his shirt, gently caressing him.

But then, something isn’t right. Frowning into the kiss, he feels a strange pang to his heart. 

Eric ends up pulling away. 

He breathes in and out, vision suddenly blurred, Jacob’s bright orange shirt the only thing he can focus on. 

He gulps and exhales, but it’s no use. Something feels awful. Something feels wrong. 

He almost doesn't register Jacob’s words, but eventually they get through to him. 

“Eric? Baby?” Jacob sounds worried, though gentle. “What’s wrong?”

No response. Eric’s completely frozen in place. Jacob knows better than to panic, though. 

“Are you okay?” 

A sharp breath. Eric shakes his head no. 

“Do you want to get off?”

A nod indicating yes. 

As gently as he can, Jacob grabs Eric by the waist and maneuvers him off his lap and onto the couch. Although the younger’s legs are slightly shaking, Jacob notices, Eric’s able to cooperate. Jacob successfully gets him to sit back against the cushions. 

Eric’s looking down at his own lap, all the while Jacob takes his place on the floor in front of the couch, knees against the carpet and gaze on Eric’s eye level for the purpose of asking a few more questions. It pains him to do so, but he needs to make sure… 

“Do you need anything?”

A soft but audible _no_ comes out of Eric’s mouth. He’s visibly trembling, but he keeps his hands woven tightly together on his lap. Jacob takes note of this and stops himself from reaching out. 

“Eric, do you need me to get out?”

Numerous and continuous nods. Jacob hears Eric hold back a sob, and his heart breaks at that.

“I’ll be in the other room if you need me,” Jacob lets him know, tenderness to his voice. “Just call for me if you do, darling.”

He wants nothing more than to reach out and embrace the younger boy and give him kisses, but he knows it can wait. Not now, not when Eric clearly needs and wants space. Standing up, he grabs his phone and charger from the living room table, and with a slightly heavy heart, he walks towards the door. 

Jacob closes the door between them with a gentleness, quiet enough to not startle Eric. 

Left alone, Eric lets out his held back sobs. 

His heart aches. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but something is. It’s a horrible feeling, an itch he couldn’t quite reach.

It wasn’t Jacob. He knew that much. Sending him away felt devastating and wrong and he feels _guilty_ (despite having no immediate reason in mind as to why he should be), but the thought of anything physical— even a hug— made him sick to his stomach. 

He wasn’t sick. He was feeling fine all day. He hadn’t forgotten anything— his day was perfect. Until all of this. Eric lets out a choked whimper, feeling helpless.

He can’t figure it out. _Why can’t he figure it out._

He doesn’t feel in control of his own body. Fingers numb from his hands’ tight grip, tears spilling over, shaky breaths coming in unstoppable waves, heart unbelievably hurting. 

Eric does the only thing he can do. He lets it all out. Tears keep streaming down his cheeks until he sees no more, ringing in his ears, feelings numb, heart empty.

He cries until he feels something akin to relief, but not exactly. The feeling of something impending and wrong coupled with knowing that the worst has passed him by. 

Eventually, Eric finds himself settled against the couch, sight focused sideways on the walls. He doesn’t feel comfortable in the slightest and he wants Jacob by his side, but he feels sleep take over him before he can think of calling out. 

Something of a blessing, Eric dreams.

When Eric comes to, he doesn’t feel the best.

Perhaps an understatement, his mouth feels dry, eyes stinging from the puffiness. The recollection of last night comes flooding in, but before he can dwell on it, the strong smell of pancakes captures his attention. 

Eric drags himself off the couch, perhaps a bit excited. Jacob must be cooking. 

When he finds himself by the kitchen’s entrance, he watches for a bit as Jacob hums in his apron, focused on flipping the food on the pan. 

Jacob looks lovely with the morning light filling the room. A comforting sight that makes Eric realize what he wants. 

Quietly, he calls out, “Jacob.”

Hums in the air stopping, Jacob turns around, a bit startled. 

“Eric,” Jacob whispers, turning the stove off and tying off his apron all in one swift move. Eric feels his fists clench and unclench, watching as Jacob rushes towards him. 

“Eric,” he says his name again, but this time with the proximity, it’s clearly laced with relief. “You’re awake.” 

“Yeah,” Eric rasps out. “Good morning.”

Jacob hesitates. Eric notices. “Can I… hug you?” 

Eric feels his heart flutter. Jacob’s always been like this: so careful with him, always making sure he’s alright after something negative, and it never fails to make Eric so happy. Happy at the thought that he was here, Jacob was his, and he was Jacob’s, curious as to how he even deserved such a person like him. Caring. Understanding. Gentle. So, so patient. 

Nodding in confirmation, Eric moves to hold his arms out, but is quickly pushed back a little by the force of Jacob’s embrace. 

They hug it out— Jacob’s arms around him, hands against the thin shirt of his back, this time burning his senses with a feeling of familiarity. No longer did it feel like something off. Eric felt calm.

“I’m sorry,” Jacob quickly says when he pulls back a bit, though his arms are still around Eric. The latter makes sure to rest his hands on Jacob’s waist, signaling that he wouldn’t want him to move away. “I just missed you and… I was worried.” 

“Only one night passed us by, hyung,” Eric teases, but gives him a weak smile afterwards. “ _I’m_ sorry, hyung. For last night.”

“No,” he’s quickly shut down by Jacob, gentle but firm. “No, don’t apologize. Nothing’s your fault.”

“But,” Eric bites down on his bottom lip, memories of last night flashing in mind. He’s a bit flustered, now with his head cleared and all. “I feel like I ruined it.”

“Baby,” Jacob says in a soft but firm tone, shaking his head. With a certain way of carefulness, he cups Eric’s cheeks, leaning over to give the younger man a chaste kiss on the lips. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t ruin anything, I promise you. You were clearly uncomfortable, and… Eric, I want you to know that no matter what, your comfort comes first.”

“I wasn’t uncomfortable because of _you_ , I just,” Eric pauses, frowning. Frustration bubbles up in his chest. He can’t explain. He can’t find the words. “I don’t know what happened. I just felt… I just—”

“Eric,” Jacob interrupts, probably sensing the exasperation on Eric’s side, and Eric looks at him in hopes that he understands. 

And he does. He always does. 

“You don’t need to explain if you can’t. I understand.”

He really does, Eric can tell. He says it with such sincerity. Jacob takes Eric’s hands from the place on his waist and raises them up to his lips, planting kisses over his knuckles. 

“You don’t need to explain,” he repeats. “Just know I’m here. If you need time alone, hugs, or kisses, I’m here, baby. And no means no, so please don’t feel guilty.”

Eric could cry right there. Jacob reads him so well. It’s overwhelming, all this love, Jacob’s gaze on him, the smile he’s sending his way, and—

Eric huffs, blinking away the tears. Quickly, he pulls away to wrap his arms around Jacob’s middle, tight enough for the elder to let out a small _oof_.

“You know I love you, right, hyung?” Eric squeezes his eyes shut, vocalizing his thoughts as he feels Jacob settle in his hold. “Sometimes I think I don’t deserve you.”

Jacob struggles against him, clearly to protest at his statement. Eric laughs, trying to hold on, but accepts defeat at Jacob’s strength. Upon being released, Jacob smothers his face with kisses: eyes, nose, lips. 

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Jacob says, watching with fondness as Eric lets out light giggles at his numerous touches against his skin. “I’d give you much more if I could, Eric. I’d give you the universe.”

Eric feigns gagging. “Stop it!” He yells, playful, and Jacob finally breaks into a grin. Nose scrunched, Eric continues, “That was too painful to hear.” 

Jacob lets out a laugh, finally. “Right, right,” he says. “I stand by it, though.”

Shaking his head, Eric laces their hands between them. “You’re more than enough, hyung.”

Jacob raises a brow. “Who’s being painful now?”

After some shared laughter and a few more kisses in between, Jacob looks at him with a smile. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Eric smiles back. The atmosphere feels light. He feels like he can breathe again. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

Keeping their hands linked whilst turning around with a grin, Jacob starts to lead him towards the stove.

“Always,” Jacob reassures, voice soft and fond. “Now, come on. I’m making your favorite pancakes. You need to help me out.”

Eric lets out a groan, though not at all opposed. 

Later, when he finds himself not helping at all, instead opting to rest a chin over Jacob’s shoulder, warmth and familiarity fills his chest.

It’s the calm after a storm, he realizes. With Jacob by his side, the feeling in his chest further grows, even when Jacob tells him with feigned annoyance to let go for the sake of fetching the plates.

This time, Eric ends up pulling away with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> don’t hesitate to reach out if you think i should have done something differently in this fic! i based this off of my own “experiences”, but still, the last thing i want to do is to portray consent between two people in the wrong way.
> 
> comments are highly appreciated!  
> or yell at me on:  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/ultcobi) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/ultcobi)


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